Friendship = Bubbles=Nothing?

Felt very depressed today almost to the point of crying, not sure cause by work stress or cuz of the conversation I have with Gwen earlier on.

I'm reminded me of the past again.

What really is friendship?? Is it so fragile that it can burst like a bubbles overnight or erupted like a volcano without warnings? I thought True Friends will understand each other without words and understood each other's intention and thoughts without explanation.
Either I was wrong or we have not understand each other well enough as I've assumed.

Our friendship...a fragile and intricate relationship between Me, Gwen, Angie, Emily and Geannie.

This has a issue which I been shelving it away since the day Emily move out of my house and perhaps out of my Life. This pain will etched deeply in my heart forever, lost of a precious friend
I know I will lose her the moment that I have asked her to move... I know it will happen even though she said no hard feelings... I know it will happen when I lied to myself that she will understand 1 day... I know it will happen even when we both promised and assured no damages done.

I knew it and still I did it.................

I'm sad and pained that things have come this way after 5 years of happiness with the gals. I no longer talk to Geannie for the past 2yrs, and Emily no longer talks to me for the past 6 months. Situation have become stiff and awkward especially for Angie and Gwen, they are caught in between.

Nobody wants such endings, what really happen?

In both incident, I'm deemed as the betrayer and the selfish bitch.

Is there a misunderstanding between us or simply our friendship is too fragile?

Shall let it be...I have no idea how to explain, what to explain and lastly no wish to explain myself.

Losing Geannie, I was angry and sad hoping it will be last and final.
Losing Emily, the pain was doubled this time, I lose faith and give up hope.
I'm tired and weary especially after Angie's birthday celebration last month.
Things never really got better, it will never be the same ever again. Im certain.

Angie send me a touching "thank you" sms for attending her birthday party, rightfully in the past I would have reply a equally touching sms but now I did not.
I did not know what to reply.. till now, It has been a month since I last contacted her.

NOW
No longer looking forward to the gathering anymore.
No longer looking forward to the festive seasons where we party together and exchanges gifts
No longer looking forward to any Birthday Celebrations even mine
No longer looking forward to any Wedding Celebration even mine
No longer looking foward to anything anymore

Hope 1 day their wish will come true, Emily, Geannie, Angie and Gwen will resolve all misunderstanding and rekindle the sparks of friendship and remain as best friends like the past.. while I remain out of the circle alone this is what I feel will be the best for all....

This is my choice.